Will they share a ride
In their comfy private jets
During the rapture?
“I don’t know what Harold Camping had in mind when he predicted the end of the world, but Atheists are making up Christian jokes like there’s no tomorrow.”
– Marc Perkel, Gilroy, Calif., Founder of the Church of Reality
If I was a televangelist, I might try earning a few extra bucks by selling seats on my private jet in preparation for the upcoming Rapture. And it won’t be a cheap ride, either!
We’re saved by grace, but…
Jesus says we must behave,
Nullifying grace
“For by grace you have been saved through faith, and this is not your own doing; it is the gift of God…”
Ephesians 2:8
Is grace unconditional? There’s nothing we can do to earn God’s grace. But what about all the commands that Jesus gave us: repent, follow me, do not lust, go the second mile, love your enemies, judge not, honor your parents, etc.? Does grace erase those commands? Can we ignore the New Testament Gospels? I’m told that our sins have been forgiven at the cross. And let’s not forget that Jesus is coming back to judge all believers. For what!? Will God’s grace forgive all of us or just a select few? I’m so confused!
Christmastime is near
When kids in grade school pageants
Pray for Santa’s toys!
“Christmas waves a magic wand over this world, and behold, everything is softer and more beautiful.”
Norman Vincent Peale
I was asked one time, “How do non-Christians celebrate Christmas?” I said that we buy gifts for each other, put our gifts under a Christmas tree, put out lights on our houses and maybe some reindeer on the lawns, bake cookies, have family dinners, and celebrate love and community.” They pretty much agreed that we all get into the Secular Christmas Spirit.
Watching my son sleep
In my arms, as I place him
Into a casket
“You can pray for anything, and if you have faith, you will receive it.”
Matthew 21:22
You can Google why prayers go unanswered and get huge lists as to why God may not have answered your prayer. But doesn’t he have to go against his Word if he doesn’t answer our prayers? Should one go through these long lists before praying to see if they’re qualified at all to pray? It’s such a confusing religion.
Note: My son died at the age of three. He was sick and suffered most of his short life. My family, friends, pastor, and our congregation continually prayed for him… to no avail.
Omniscient being
The one who knows all our needs…
And talks to reindeer
“Seeing is believing, but sometimes the most real things in the world are the things we can’t see.”
The Conductor from The Polar Express
Am I the first to call Santa Claus an omniscient being? Think about it, though. He knows if we’ve been bad or good. He sees us when we’re sleeping, and he knows when we’re awake. And he knows where we live!
Our Christian nation
We learn to love our neighbors…
Unless they are gay
“For many in America and around the world, the American flag has smothered the glory of the cross, and the ugliness of our American version of Caesar has squelched the radiant love of Christ.“
Gregory A. Boyd, The Myth of a Christian Nation: How the Quest for Political Power Is Destroying the Church
Was the recent LGBTQ bar shooting in Colorado Springs religiously motivated? Was it politically motivated? Maybe both? And what about the shooting in a gay nightclub in Orlando, Florida, in 2016? All I know is that I hear a lot of anti-LGBTQ rhetoric from Christians and politicians… in our so-called Christian Nation. Love is love!
Faith is to believe
What you do not see or hear…
Jesus on my toast
“Without the bread of life, we are toast!”
Anonymous
I know that Jesus likes watching us masturbate, but is he spying on us through our food, too? What I really wonder though is what people are thinking who actually believe they’ve found Jesus on their breakfast burrito, grilled cheese sandwich, or potato chip (see this article on BuzzFeed). Amazon doesn’t sell Jesus Toasters but they do have The Grilled Cheesus Sandwich Press if you’re interested! No kidding. Take a look.
Kill all non-believers!
As the Bible teaches us…
Not all books are banned
“What is freedom of expression? Without the freedom to offend, it ceases to exist.”
Salman Rushdie
Of course, I don’t want to ban the Bible. And that’s how I feel about any book! It makes me wonder if the moral police have read the Bible! I can think of two places in the Bible that say we should kill all non-believers (Deuteronomy 17:2-5 and Deuteronomy 13:6-10). And let’s not forget our cherished Ten Commandments, especially the one that says, “Anyone who curses their father or mother shall be put to death (Leviticus 20:9)”. But, if you want a religion to be enticing, you’ll leave out the bad parts!
Forty thousand plus
Christian denominations
Drowning in dogma
“The greater the ignorance the greater the dogmatism.”
William Osler
Dogma is something held as an established opinion. In the case for Christianity, dogma is a church’s official interpretation of divine revelation. The church establishes their beliefs from their interpretations. Each denomination has their own unique dogma. Will your church’s dogma lead you to the narrow gate? Jesus says that only a few will find it (Matthew 7:13-14). I’m sure that your dogma is the right path.
If priests had powers
Like God gave the apostles
Doctors would be priests
“A miracle, my friend, is an event which creates faith.”
George Bernard Shaw
Jesus sent his 12 to proclaim the good news to the lost sheep of Israel. He gave them powers to cure every disease and sickness. And even Peter was able to cure the sick from his shadow. Imagine if those powers were passed on to the clergy of today’s world. We would no longer rely on prayers, drugs, therapy, surgery, and lengthy stays in the hospital hoping to be healed.
Haiku From Hell 